My Kids are Plague Carriers

Everyone is always worried about our undoing being nuclear war, or an asteroid, or immigrants. Something highly improbable, but scary to some folks regardless.

I think it's going to be those plague carrying varmints, AKA "Children".

Whitney Houston and Sexual Chocolate's very own Randy Watson sang that they believed the children are our future, and they are, but it's a bleak future filled with dry toast and the cold sweats.


Don't get me wrong, I adore my two little girls. They are my whole world. But, since my oldest started pre-school it's been a non-stop parade of disease coming into my home. I'm convinced one day my 4 year old is gonna cough on me and it's going to cause a pandemic that spreads easier than creamy peanut butter and wipes out the entire population in days.

Last week, Saturday the 26th to be exact, my 4 year old woke up in the middle of the night crying and coughing. She threw up on herself in bed. Poor kid. She went back to sleep after we bathed her again and woke up acting fine all day. Sunday Morning at 6am, we hear on the baby monitor. Daddy, I frew up. No crying. Went in to check on her and her hair is caked in puke. Wonderful. Another early morning bath. Tuesday comes, the wife and youngest kid are sick...I'm still fine. Wednesday we go to the oldest kids pre-k for her birthday party. Everyone is fine at this point, but I'm now surrounded by a bakers dozen of children in a small room. Rest of the week goes by fine, then Sunday it hits me, and it hits me hard. Way harder than the rest of the family.

ER Trip for IV Fluids...Check

Every Color of The Gatorade Rainbow...Check

No sleep...Check

Intimate Moments with a porcelain companion...Check

Praying for a quick death...Check

I may sound a little dramatic, but when they said the first year of school would be like this, I never thought it would be like THIS! If I had known a little better, I would have considered home schooling, but those kids...I'll just leave that right there for now.

I'm feeling a little better now, but still real beat from the exhaustion of it all. So I'm back on the air finally. Big props to Johnny Maze for keeping things down on my end here.

Anyway, just realize, there's a lot to be afraid of in this world of ours, but mostly it's the kids. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse are all on ponies and they are covered in snot and peanut butter.



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